thanks C for loving me so

People said things will get better and honestly couldn't see how.. but it has now, I think.

We cleared dad's apartment finally as I decided to sell it. It was easier maybe coz C (hubs) took charge and did everything that needed to be done. Can't thank him enough for that. He however thought that I should go there once before everything, as it would do me good.

As I walked in just the the particular smell of the apartment, which quite ironically, I never noticed before, made me numb, and I just stayed that way throughout. I didn't realize I was crying until C held me in his arms.

What can I say, I have never been in such pain, ever... I mean things happened to me, like they do to everybody else, not including losing my mother though, coz honestly I was so young that I don't even remember much...

but this is bad... I can't get anything done adding to that was the guilt of hurting C as I didn't want him around sometimes, when really, he just wanted to help somehow.

And so when he held me in his arms, and I could see he was crying as well, when he asked me how he could help me 'cause it felt like he was losing me, just in that moment I was back to reality, and I decided I will try and get past this, coz I couldn't be the one to cause him so much pain. He has always been like a child, so easily pleased, always laughing and making me laugh, and I was forcing him to change..

We stayed there in the empty apartment and sometimes we talked, sometimes I just cried, sometimes he held me close to him, and I could feel his heart beat, and I felt better... so much better...